oh errol

Oh children. Intern John-John Williams is officially Not Happy. You see, part of his job is monitoring our site traffic. Usually he does this quite happily but the past week has been awfully hard for him. It’s safe to say last weeks Hot Man News has been a raging success. Much to John-John’s chagrin, the people have gone Kayne Lawton craaaaazy. So much so that whenever you google ‘Kayne Lawton’ now, Errol appears on the first page. And OH how the people have been googling, clicking…and then possibly wanking.

Our boy John-John doesn’t deal well with competition. He’s been throwing diva sized tantrums all week. We can handle tantrums, but we began to get really worried when the sulking started. Usually he bops round the office in shorty shorts singing Donna Summer, but yesterday I found him curled up in front of the stereo wailing to ’What About Me?’ (the Nollsy version) and demolishing a tub of ice cream. With Intern Brownies crochet blanket concealing his perfect body! Things are DIRE.

We desperately needed to cheer him up, so we deemed today would be Tropical Tuesday! Theme days are John-Johns favourite. Work Experience Boy Lachlan Coote has lit the tiki torches (we were cautious about letting a minor play with fire, but he insisted), Intern Brownie has whipped up some potent fruit punch and us girls are rocking some fierce coconut bikinis and hibiscus leis. John-John just made a decidedly grand entrance clad only in a floral sarong.

Usually I would tell him floral sarongs are for ladies, but in his fragile emotional state I can’t risk it. Instead I’ve decided to make him feel super special and sit him down for a one on one interview. At his request we are both squished into one bean bag. We care not for proper chairs at Errol.

K - John John! My darling. How are you?

J- Better now. I love Tropical Tuesday. Do you want to get leid? GET IT? LEID! It’s funny because you’re wearing one.

K- Yes I get it.

J- Well do you?

K- Not right now. Let’s talk about you. Your Gods Of Football segment was on the Footy Show last week…how did it go?

J- Hmmm. It was okay.

K- Just okay? But you love modelling John-John!

J- I know I know. But Kiki they made me … oh God I can’t even say it. It’s too awful.

*buries face in hands*

K- Made you what baby?? Did they hurt you?

J- No no … they … well they made me wear clothes. CLOTHES KIKI!! THEY BURN! THEY BURRRRRN!

K- Oh dear. You poor kitten. I bet you weren’t happy with that.

J- I sure wasn’t. Look how sad I was!

K- Oh my god they made you wear a shirt AND pants?? That is just cruel. We should call Amnesty International.

J- I don’t know what that is. But okay.

K- I see they put you in some jaunty fisherman pants. At least you got to be shirtless in some photos.

J- Yeh I guess. Why are they called ‘fisherman pants’? I never wear pants when I go fishing.

K- Well no. But you never wear pants full stop.

J - I don’t get why I couldn’t just be in the nuddy. Last year I was. The only thing I was wearing was grease! Get it Kiki … I WAS ONLY WEARING GREASE PAINT! COZ I WAS NAKED!

K- Yes … I get it. But last year was Naked For A Cause. This is a different calendar entirely.

J - Can we make our 2009 Errol calendar a nakey one?

K- I think that is implied. I dunno if we can include Lachie though. We don’t wanna get in trouble like Bill Henson.

J - Henson…?? Like where the Jets play?

K- NO! Damnit! John-John if you actually read the newspaper you would get my jokes more regularly. Ummm…honey….your sarong. Stuff is err…hanging out. Fix yourself up please!

J- FINE! I’LL FIX IT! Why is everyone so mean to me lately?

K - Aaww. It’s okay. Tell me more about the photoshoot. Did you smile at all ?

J- Yes. When they weren’t looking I stripped off and felt heaaaaaps better.

K- Aaaw see that’s the John-John we know and love! Did you miss us when you were away?

J- YES! So much. I tried to call you using a shell … you know how Ron does in Anchorman?? But you never turned up.

K- Uhhh…..

J- What? Hey….Kiki… can I twist your coconuts?

K- No John. I think it’s time you got back to work.

(Images from The Footy Show , Naked for A Cause, Artie and the incredible Gods of Football website . Intern John-John and I demand you go and check it out. The Jane McGrath foundation is a a great cause and we should all support it.)